Failing at McDonalds or Why One Needs to Learn Ukrainian

I fully intended to learn some Ukrainian.  It’s not a regular sort of language to learn and though most here still know Russian (which I learned and and forgot decades ago), they prefer their national language in Kyiv (as they spell Kiev).  Several months before the trip I bought a Learn Ukrainian book/CD combo, but it was too fast and confusing.  So just before the trip I found  an audio program that I intended to listen to on the plane and river cruise, but I was too distracted. I finally started listening to the audio (on my ipod) as I waited for my delayed flight to Kyiv from Bucharest.  

Well, my too late, too little efforts have not paid off well.  Fortunately, the Swifts arranged for Vlad, an English-speaking member of the church, to pick me up--and he faithfully waited for my late flight and my slow sojourn through the particularly long line of a thorough passport official (all the other lines went faster).  In Kyiv,  I met Helen,  a delightful English-speaking guide that the Swifts recommended, who took me on a 3 hour walking tour of some of Kyiv’s highlights in their 104 degree, humid heat wave (hottest since 1905).  She pointed out a Ukrainian cafeteria restaurant.  I did go there for dinner, but found I had already forgotten my short course in Ukrainian and had to resort to grunts and gestures to get the food and quantity I wanted, although I was ok when it came to the delicious chocolate cake at the end.  Unlike the other countries I have visited on the trip, I found very few signs in dual languages and not many people that  spoke more than a couple of English words. 

The next day, Helen and I met in the early morning and wandered the streets, enjoying more of its sights (to be posted later) for over 7 hours in still hot-and-humid Kyiv.  As our time was ending, I could think of nothing better than getting back to my air conditioned hotel room and taking a cool shower.  None of the buildings we entered or the buses we sometimes rode had AC--it's a rarity in Kyiv, as it is seldom needed.  But when I entered the darkened hotel, I found out that all the electricity in that part of the city grid was out--no lights, no elevator, no AC.  I sat in the darkened lounge area until I had the strength to climb six floors up to my room to locate my flashlight before the sunlight was gone.  Fortunately, after a few sputters, the lights were back on in about 2 hours.  

So I decided to do dinner the easy way.  I was confident that I could go to McDonalds and be a successful communicator--all you have to do is hold up the number of fingers for your meal selection (I even remembered a few number words) and they would surely have some English-speaking staff.  Alack, there were no numbers on the selections, the board was only in Cyrillic, and none of the servers spoke much English.  Seeing my distress, they found a laminated English/ Ukrainian menu with pictures, but it only had  traditional items and not the Greek-style chicken sandwich with cucumbers and tomatoes that I wanted to try.  So in the end, I got the regular McDonald chicken sandwich and a strawberry McFlurry when I had wanted chocolate.  But it ended with “Thank you.  Have a nice day.”  Which it really had been....